No One Here is Innocent, But We've Changed the Names Anyway

The past few days have been a plethora of poop and puke. Are you still here? Boy are you a glutton for punishment.
Being the optimist, I never really thought that I'd get that stomach bug. Watching my beautiful daughter suffer on the sofa with her "throw up bucket". Ugh. I just somehow thought that I was impervious.
Fast forward.
I was in work, chipper as could be, happy to be the little slave driver that I am. My crew and I were knocking out the work like no body's business. Hmm, I am wondering why I keep tasting my peanut butter cookie from 2 hours ago. Naaahh, I think. It's not possible. My immune system is sky high. So I continued to cheerfully go about my work. Then the burping started.
Flip tells me to try drinking a 7-up or a Sprite to settle my stomach. So, o.k., down, chug chug chug, goes the soda. That's when the burping went to stereo.
As a customer approaches me, I wave him over to another area and tell him someone will be with him shortly. Nausea is swelling over me like a bad piece of cellulose film. You know, like in those old B-movies, where the filming looks all blobby and turns green. Like that.
I spy Steve at the copier. "Steve", I call. He looks up. "Yo, Steve. Go tell Flip that I'm not going to make it. No, scratch that. Go get Flip". Said customer looks alarmed and a little terrified, and goes running over to his designated area, dropping a package on the way.
I disappeared into the office. Flip arrives, opens the door just in time to see me with my head over the trash can, and says (as only someone in management can say) "Can you make it through until 9:30 kid?".
The office is spinning. I'm in another B-movie, I think.
"Flip, are you kidding me?" I started running for the bathroom. People really move out of your way when you run with your hand over your mouth.
I'm going to spare you the next half hour. Use your imagination.
Feeling a little better and somewhat peckish, I closed up my area early and went home.
That was two days ago. After one juice glass of cold coffee, a decongestant, and two ibuprofen, I am feeling much better this morning.
So the next time you see beautiful photos going up on my page for days at a time, and you think to yourself "I've seen some of these before", you will know that I am merely trying to keep you entertained through some personal drama on the home front. Pulling up material from my archive was my only option.

What's that crusty stuff in my hair? Gotta go.

FUN FASHION FLIRTY FABULOUS DEJA VU

Fabulous Fun Flirty Fashionable

Guess It's Time to Change

Lets see what my two favorite designers, Jean Paul Gaultier and Sonia Rykiel have up their sleeves for 2010. Hmmmm, similar looks. Not so sure about the hair-do on JPG's, not a good look for me. Sonia's is a little too hard to wear up in the mountains. I like her lingerie collection for H&M though, but the roses on the boobs have to go. The rosettes look like headlights on a car.

1st pic. Seriously, who would wear their hair like that?

Duh

I just got done listing what I had to eat tonight on Dr. zibbs comment section, and when I looked at it I thought "I'm an oinker, I'd better do something to kick start my metabolism quick, and no wonder I'm having trouble fitting into my jeans". It was an eye opener to see how much food passes my lips, and that was just in the evening. I don't even want to start listing what I had for breakfast and lunch. So here is my solution:
From now on I am going to avoid reading anyone's posts that have anything to do with the word "ass". If you are showing pictures of someone else's ass, or talking about asses in general, I will not read or comment on your post. That is my new diet, cutting down on ass posts. Works for me.

This Post Might Offend Good People

When I was a kid, I had a friend, we'll call him Baby Huey, who turned out to be gay. Baby Huey told his teacher that a big black bird swooped down and took his homework on the way to school. The whole school was talking about it, so I decided to ask him if he really said it. It was the stupidest thing that I had ever heard. It was so stupid, in fact, that it was brilliant. We started laughing about it, and didn't stop laughing for an hour. That was the beginning of one very silly friendship.
One day while we were investigating the grounds of a local church, we discovered that the back door was unlocked. Naturally, we immediately went inside, because we were innocent. Neither one of us had ever been "backstage" before. We got to see the kitchen where the priest and nuns had their snacks. Their lounge. It was all pretty drab. Then we went into the main part of the church. There was a little cart with little cups of wine on it. There were also little crackers. Baby Huey knew more about this stuff than me. He said it was part of a ritual where they drink the blood of Christ and eat his body. "Wow" I thought. "Not so drab after all".
It was somewhere after our 5th little cup of wine that the priest walked in. We didn't notice him at first. Baby Huey made a run for it. I was left alone. Thankful for all of the episodes of The FBI that I had watched, I proceeded to give false information. Then the priest let me go, and said that he would be around to talk to my parents. I felt a twinge of remorse. I felt worse for the kids whose parents were going to get a visit.
Later on, I met up with my ever brilliant partner in crime, and he told me that he had been waiting outside of the church, wondering what had happened to me. Because he did not think to hide, the priest saw him after I left, and so he was caught. He DID NOT watch The FBI evidently. He gave our real names.

I was grounded for a month. Baby Huey's parents threatened him with military school. We laughed our heads off about it for years.

Click on This

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqT_dPApj9U

Overheard

I hear the farther you go down south, the friendlier they are, till you get to Florida.

Scotland, that's hardly English there. Yous & y'all & the king's english. And this beautiful cockney guy answered us; we couldn't understand a word he said.

I want to play cards so we can stop eating.

There's no wine left for dinner and the stores are all closed. I thought it would last till the morning. Better slow down.

I don't care a lot for some music, but sometimes it makes me want to hear what I do like.

I'm not giving you any reassurance, that's just my sense of humor.

He'll have to sell his BMW and buy a Volkswagon bus. Then he'll be a hippie like the rest of us.

If you're happy, you've already succeeded.

You look like such an angel when you're sleeping, but looks can be deceiving.

He gives me kisses just for coming home.

Sometimes to like a song, you have to write it yourself.

Guys Like That Don't Wear Plastic

So, Cute Hubby and I were in the diner having breakfast, as we tend to do from time to time, because we are just that wild and exciting. Sitting at the counter were two good old boys having their coffee. They had on wrangler jeans, plaid flannel shirts, and cowboy belts. We were NOT at the counter, as that is a last resort for us; we prefer the booth because we're obviously special.

CH: What are you looking at?

Me: (sipping coffee) I'm looking at that guy's cowboy belt.

CH: (spearing a piece of egg like a true hunter) Why?

Me: Because I was admiring how well made it is. I mean, look at it. Silver buckle, hand tooled leather, and braided leather trim. It's awesome.

CH: (pushing his toast into his cheek with his tongue so he can talk)It's aluminized plastic tubing.

Me: No it's not. It's real leather.

CH: He probably bought it at the Tractor Supply store.

Me: (spreading 1/2 a packet of jelly onto my toast) I don't think so. It's real.

CH: (disdainfully chewing the last piece of undercooked bacon) What makes you think it's real?

Me: I don't think he's the kind of guy who wears plastic. He looks like he means business to me.

I think I was right. Those two good old boys just drank their coffee and barely exchanged two words. They looked a little tough from years of hard work and supporting their families. Guys like that don't wear plastic.

Hold Me Squeeze Me

My wonderful neighbor gave me a toothpaste tube squeezer. Cool. I immediately put it on my tube of hair conditioner. Yea! Problem solved. (stop looking at how dirty my floor is, you have no idea how hard it is to get the dirt out of those little holes)

Drawing in the Dark

That's right, I did both of these sketches in the dark. With the aid of a flashlight, a glass top table, paper & pen.

Never Again.......Whatever.

Thank you Victoria's Secret, for reminding me that I will never again be able to wear stuff like this. Well, I could maybe wear the second one to the last and not get laughed off of the beach, but I still won't ever look like that girl. Wait......did I EVER look like that girl? O.k.......soooooo, thank you Victoria's Secret for reminding me that I never looked this good. crap.

Good Things Come in Small Packages

Who would ever believe that so many wonderful little surprises could fit into such a small envelope? But that's exactly what Dominica of Faces and Places in Antwerp did, bless her heart, and she mailed it off to me. The skirt she made by hand for Babyzilla, just look at that fabric. Babyzilla will look just like a little flower in it. And the story book, stickers, paper dolls, flower-clip, and chip&dale figurine are all great. I was trying to get a picture of the baby in the skirt, but she hasn't been feeling well enough to play dress up. When she's feeling better, we'll do an outfit post. Domi, you're the best. Thank you seems too small a phrase for how I feel about the luck of having you for a friend.




If you haven't already been over to Domi's blog, you can click on her name and go there now. But I warn you, she is one sophisticated lady and you will be hooked from the first look.

Hello, What's This?

This is the door mat just outside of my oldest daughter's kitchen door. It's moss............yes, that's right......... moss. I think it's funny how sometimes you find something incredibly beautiful in the last place you would ever expect to.

Go to That Blue Yak Right Now

Dr. zibbs has posted a hilarious flea market story today. Proceed there now.

Saving Jessie

Today I saved Jessie the Cowgirl from a heartless guttersnipe at the flea market and brought her home to meet Babyzilla.

Jessie was overjoyed to ride home in our 1963 Belair, having the backseat all to herself.

Babyzilla loved her right away, and held her (away from her soda) and gave her a kiss.

I think this might be the start of a nice little friendship. Yippee Yi Ay. hooray.

Say it All Together Now, Poor Girl.

OMG, what kind of holy h*ll is this? Why, funny you should ask, it's the window of my break room at work. Can anybody guess where I work? If you guess right, I will fess up. That's all, that's the prize. What?

Is This Little Girl's Hair a Nightmare for Her to Have Combed Out?